I was 17 years old and living out of home with my boyfriend and his family. I had eaten a delicious chicken burger the day before, which made me really ill with food poisoning, resulting in vomiting and diarrhoea. This went on for several days leaving me feeling helpless, lethargic and uncertain of what I could keep down. Once the vomiting had cleared, I got the strength to call my father and ask his opinion on what I should do to help get better. He was a retired GP, living on his own. After our chat, he asked if I could come around to see him as he was feeling lonely. The following day, though still feeling weak and feeble, I found I had just enough strength to get off the couch and visit him.
As I reflect on this, I realised that this huge clearing of being so sick could have been a blessing in disguise, allowing me to feel more and read situations that were to come ahead of time. Looking back, not only was what I was eating and drinking affecting my clairsentience, but also my obsession with watching movies and TV was clearly dulling my awareness. I don’t recall ever being very present with myself during this time of my life as I was mostly checking out with the numbing effects of food and drink and the distraction of the movies and TV.
As a young girl, I could feel when my father was not safe to be around as he drank a lot of alcohol after work, along with all the medication he took. The two were a very scary combination, as I could feel more than one presence in the room a lot of the time. I could also feel the times when he was clear and so tender and warm to be around, and how lovely it was to sleep on his chest listening to his heartbeat.
Every year at Christmas time, my father’s other family from his first marriage would come over to have Christmas lunch and I could feel how calculating and jealous my half-sisters were when it was time to hand out presents. I could feel how pointless it was to create this unnecessary jealousy and tension, and the false niceties between everyone.
As I reflect on my younger years, I can see how clairsentient and aware I was: feeling life purely from my body and from feeling the energy around me, feeling people’s reactions and their intentions, feeling my parents’ tensions and stresses in their relationship to each other and in their own personal lives.
When I arrived at my father’s place after the food poisoning, I had a sense that things did not seem right. His place was not messy but there was a disarray of things being left out, dishes not washed up, mail opened up and left sprawled on the dinner table and there was a stale energy in the air. My father was typically an orderly person. I took one look at him and the strength and solidness that I knew him to have was not there: his colour was off, his hair was messy and it looked like he had not showered or changed his clothes for a few days. He asked me to give him a haircut and to make him an egg nog drink as he didn’t feel well enough to eat anything else.
We sat in the kitchen and I started to give him a haircut, trying my best to not stuff it up or make it look bad. He reassured me that whatever I did would be fine. Little did I know that these were the last moments we would be spending together. When I had finished cutting his hair to the best of my ability, and I must say it was a great job at that, he was not even interested in seeing it in the mirror. All I could feel was that he enjoyed just spending time with me.
Two days had passed and I was still having diarrhoea when I woke up in the middle of the night after having a dream about my father. I can’t remember the details of the dream, but there was a feeling of urgency to see him in the morning. When I rang him there was no answer so I decided to go over to see him. When I got there, I knocked on his door and there was silence. I called out to him and knocked several times, but he didn’t respond. I instantly knew something was not right.
I rang the police and asked them to come over to my father’s apartment as I had a terrible feeling. I told them he could have had a stroke or heart attack and could be passed out in his apartment. I had butterflies in my tummy and was feeling anxious. I was concerned that he could be suffering in pain, or possibly be dead, and I tried to keep myself very calm. My heart was racing and my mind filled with worry. Fortunately, a neighbour came out and offered for me to sit inside their unit while I waited for the police to arrive. There was a sense of dread that a close family member had possibly passed away and what would that mean for everyone?
Under all the anxiousness and worry, I felt a strength within me. I innately knew I was capable of facing anything in front of me. After a period of waiting, the police broke into his apartment to find him dead in his bedroom chair. They warned me about seeing a dead body and asked whether I wanted to remember seeing my father like this. I was determined to see my father no matter what, so I asked to have time alone with him.
I sat on the edge of his bed, opposite my father who was in the chair. The edge of the bed was the closest thing I could sit on to be next to his body. His lips were a deep reddish bluey colour and I put my hand on his knee and his body was stone cold and hard. He looked like he had fallen asleep in his chair with his head slouching down. After saying a few words to him, including my goodbyes, I felt calm and unemotional. I restrained myself from getting emotional over this situation, as I knew that there was no point – his Soul/spirit had moved on and what was left was just his body. There was also no time to get emotional as there was a lot to get on with.
I then instantly got the feeling, “The vultures are coming” – as this was the energy that I felt and I knew to put his valuable belongings away and hide them, as I could feel what was coming ahead of time.
I was preparing myself and my father’s space for this.
I was faced with awful and horrible behaviours and comments that occurred between my family members, out of desperation and need, – later understanding that it was because they felt they missed out on something and so wanted a tangible thing or money to show for it. My clairsentience served me well, as I could feel this possibly happening which it later did.
The coroner’s report came back saying that my father had died of a deep vein thrombosis (or DVT) that had caused a pulmonary embolism. In other words, a clot left a vein in his leg and blocked the pulmonary artery, the main blood vessel to the lungs which caused his death, so this meant my father’s death would have been instant. The coroner also found that my father had prostate cancer, which was undiagnosed. That then made sense to me as to why he was going to the toilet so frequently when I last saw him.
As saddening or shocking that this story may seem, what stands out to me the most is that I was reading what was coming ahead of time, I was feeling everything, I was using what I now understand to be my clairsentience. A knowing, and a feeling that felt so true to me that it just could not be ignored. I’m glad that during this time I did not override my feelings, the natural innate knowingness that we all have equally.
I understand now, through the teachings of Universal Medicine, that death is a part of the cycle of life. It is not the end – it is a beginning of another cycle, on the Path of Return to who we truly are. The human body is the vehicle that carries the expression of the Soul and or the spirit through life on earth and passing over is this expression leaving the body: to learn, to heal, to discard, to evolve and to come back to another cycle of life to do it all over again, helping others along the way.
This event has been the catalyst for me to seek a deeper understanding and connection to these feelings, and to know that this innate ability to feel energy is always there, as it was so clearly as a child, even though we often shut down our awareness of those feelings. When we are not raised in a way that supports us to honour and trust what we feel, nor encouraged to express these feelings, it discourages children to use their highly attuned clairsentience. Children can be fed other information – beliefs and lies so that situations aren’t always clearly dealt with and what is felt is buried. We then grow up with this programmed into us until such time that we chose to re-connect back to truth and learn to express ourselves again.
Today, our son is a beautiful reflection of how I was as a child: very sensitive and very loving, and constantly feeling life all around him. The slightest bit of tension in the household is felt and communicated back to my husband and I. There was once a time, when my son was only a baby, that my husband and I were having a big disagreement. He was laying on the living room floor and I remember looking over to him and I watched how he lay there, just feeling what was going on and observing it, not taking any of it in but feeling everything. I was surprised at how well he held himself and how he was afterwards, which was indicative that he knew to give us a bit of space to clear the air.
As parents, both my husband and I foster this quality as the basis for his development and evolution in life, allowing him to respond from his feelings and communicate from this place. We always ask him how he feels; how he feels about certain activities, food, places and people, and we encourage his expression with us. We also talk about energy a lot and give our son the understanding to express what he feels in terms of the energy he can feel at any given time. He is very confident in knowing what is true for him and he definitely lets us know when something does not feel right.
Clairsentience is a beautiful quality within us all, a feeling that we can always re-connect to, giving us understanding, clarity and awareness in our everyday lives.
By Leah Pash
Related Reading:
Clairsentience – Our Sixth Sense
The Gift of Clairsentience: Reclaiming my Ability to Feel Energy
If Clairsentience is Truly Innate and Natural, then How is it that Most of Us Remain Completely Ignorant of it?