by Mr Anonymous, Australia

I haven’t been able to write a blog.

When I re-read my attempts at writing a blog they feel grey and either a bit boastful or a bit negative on myself.

I found out it has to do with rejection. If I talk with a person, or even a group of people, I can make sure that I won’t get rejected, or that the chance is very slight. Public speaking holds few terrors for me – my worst, but bearable, experience was a public speech on the morning of Melbourne Cup Day. The audience suffered from anticipatory drunkenness even though it was 8 in the morning.

Writing a blog is different. So far I have always tied myself in knots trying to get words on paper.

It turns out that when I feel that I am about to be rejected by another person, I immediately go into reaction first, and when I write a blog I feel certain that some readers will reject what I write.

I therefore sit at the computer screen and am already in reaction.

Why do I go into reaction? It hurts less to be rejected if I have already rejected myself. That this is preposterously untrue has been irrelevant.

So, here it is – the first blog where I stayed connected to my heart. It feels more than a little ‘creaky’ and the ending is especially bad, but here it is.