in - Self Care, Wellbeing 1,177 Words

Unravelling “Busy’s” Fabricated Web

I have been meaning to have a chat with you, ‘Busy’, about a few things that I have realised – and you might have already noticed that things between us have been changing. All my life I have believed that keeping busy meant being productive – not a ‘loafer’ or lazy – and that ‘getting things done’ was an important part of being mature and responsible. Since I can remember, you have always been there. Yes, I grant you that you have been very diligent in keeping track of me and how I was going, relentlessly urging me on when I slowed down, but I’ve connected with an inherent wisdom recently and am now taking back responsibility for this part of my life.

Here are a few things I have been reflecting on and why I feel it’s time for us to part ways:

  • Your daily ‘to do’ list is impossible to achieve – even when I have managed to tick off nearly everything on the list, there is always more left to do and then the list grows again as a new day starts. I have long been a slave to your insistent demands, but it just doesn’t make sense anymore.
  • Constant worry about how I am going to get ‘everything done’ leaves me with low-grade anxiety: my sense of self-worth is diminished with feelings of failure… there is barely time for a fleeting acknowledgment for achievements before your discontented voice tells me “yes, but – you still haven’t…” or you “should have…,” “don’t get too far ahead of yourself, that’s just one thing, now what about …?” or you insist “you’re behaving arrogantly – how disgusting! Cut it out right now!”
  • I’ve noticed that in my ‘busy’ mode I tend to get single-minded about things with a ‘this is the way it should be’ attitude. It comes with irritation and judgment when others don’t share the same storybook ending that I’ve envisaged. You just open the doors and invite in your friends: Ms Right, Ms Wrong and Mr Righteousness. Please note: they are very unpleasant characters to be around!
  • Demanding perfectionism – well, don’t even get me started there or we’ll be here for weeks!!
  • You clearly thrive on competition, urging me to watch what others are doing and compare myself to them. Sometimes the ugly flames of jealousy are ignited, causing me to wallow in blame, regret, justification etc. This reaction in turn reinforces the belief that I need to be tough to prove myself.
  • Wow, all this time you’ve had me convinced that worrying about ‘time’ and keeping a close eye on the clock was very important; a big key to getting things done efficiently and effectively and proving I’m a ‘good worker.’ Workplaces champion ‘time management’ and this concept fits in perfectly with the picture you have sold me and which I have also unconsciously come to ‘worship.’
  • I feel exhausted and it has occurred to me that maybe the way you have long touted as the ‘only way’ to behave as a ‘good’ person isn’t on the right track after all. When I go to bed at night I feel a nervous energy, a raciness throughout my body, that makes it hard to sleep soundly. All day I have been super busy, rushing from one task to the next and even multitasking a lot of the time. Little wonder I don’t feel refreshed and invigorated at the start of each day!
  • You love to remind me that “I haven’t got time for this” when people are just chatting about inconsequential things. So, I put my head down and get back to work which indicates “I’m too busy if it’s not important.” Ahhh – how arrogant, offensive, rude and uncaring is that!
  • In terms of my relationship with myself, your brand of ‘busy’ leaves me cold, harsh and distant from me. Self-care is functional rather than self-loving or nurturing, while self-acceptance and self-appreciation for my worth as a human being are completely disregarded. This just all adds up to utter self-abuse.

‘Busy’ – your love for weaving the above types of complicated webs clearly demonstrates you don’t have my best interests at heart. Little wonder that the more I’ve opened my eyes and seen what’s really going on, the less your offerings appeal to me! I’ve been making many changes in my life, initiated by the understandings I have gleaned over time with the enormous support of Serge Benhayon and various other Universal Medicine practitioners.

I’m gradually learning what my strengths are and how I can best utilise them, recognising what is really being asked of me so I can direct my energies and time more purposefully. I now see that the façade of ‘busyness’ is simply a hiding spot I’ve adopted which keeps me separated from others. It’s been an excuse to hold back from showing the world who I really am, to play small when I know that’s not true. We are all uniquely grand and I am no exception. As the reflections in this blog present, pretending otherwise and colluding with ‘Busy’ actually drains rather than invigorates oneself.

I’m finding that time takes care of itself when I work at my body’s natural rhythm and pace. I’m learning to allow myself to do what tasks I can being present, gentle, flexible, and realistic about what happens and what can be achieved in a day. This results in simplicity, spaciousness and less nervous energy as I’m not pushing, criticising and driving myself all day. Yes, I still need to meet those deadlines, especially in the workplace, but there is a much calmer approach to the whole situation these days.

In the past I have obediently done your bidding, yet despite following your instructions with dedication and commitment, it hasn’t helped me get to the finish line any quicker. Furthermore, the work quality from past to present day is incomparable.

Lastly, but very importantly, my relationships are becoming more meaningful as I am re-learning the dance steps of how to best connect with both myself and others and the true value of intimacy. I find I’m a better listener which subsequently helps me understand and respond more appropriately at the time.

The transformations have been gradual and not always smooth sailing, but definitely worthwhile. Frankly ‘Busy’ – there is just no room for you in my life anymore and I know beyond any doubt that my current direction is the right path for me. You have been a very enthusiastic teacher and I have been an extremely dedicated, devoted student, but it’s time for me to take back the power and responsibility for how I live my life and unquestionably, The Way of The Livingness (Universal Medicine) is now my way.

By Helen Giles, Social Worker, Townsville, Australia

Related Reading:
Building love in our life
A Sacred Relationship with Self – Inspired by Natalie Benhayon
Self Care Tips