by Lee Green, Perth

As a baby we are without doubt at our most vulnerable. We have nothing to do but just be the baby that we are. We are moved, fed, bathed, clothed and loved for being this small bundle of a person. There is no pressure here, no dance to perform, no getting it right or wrong – it is just who we are and where we are at.

Soon though, that ‘just being’ is ever so slightly disrupted. We become aware that mouths move at us, wanting us to perform in some way. In an instant it goes from “Look, he is smiling…” to “Come on, smile, come on, smile for mummy, for daddy”. So here it is, the first choice ­– stay with just being, or start doing what is asked for. Continue reading “A Smile for Love? How we Learn to Leave Ourselves” →

by Kim Olsen, Bachelor of Chemical Engineering, Salesperson and Youth Disability Worker, Warwick, Queensland, Australia

Some time ago I realised that when we are in our heart, we are invulnerable. At the time, I thought this meant if we are vulnerable in our relationships, we can’t get hurt. I now ‘know’ this is true, because I consciously did this and observed and felt it for myself – however, it means so much more than I used to think.

I tested this awareness ‘with my heart’ and allowed other people to know me as much as I could muster at that time; my then version of being ‘an open book’. I was still at this time trying to be what I thought others wanted me to be, so whilst being as real as I was able, it was still not the ‘full me’ – I was still being what I thought the world wanted me to be. The fact, however, that I was making the choice to be in my heart opened the next door and I made a giant step forward; I was starting to feel what true vulnerability felt like for me. Continue reading “Vulnerability is ‘in’” →

by Anne Malatt, Australia

I never intended to have children. I love them and always have, but I did not feel I was capable of the long-term, stable, happy relationship that I felt they deserved, and my life was full and I did not feel I had time for them.

Well, I was right on both counts; but I have had children anyway, and they have enriched my life beyond measure. Continue reading “(I Never Intended to have) Children” →

by Nicole Serafin, Age 40, Tintenbar NSW

I have been observing, not only this year but over the past few years, what it is that Christmas actually is.

When we were young it was all about the presents, then as I hit my teenage years it became all about the celebrations and parties that went along with the festive season. I spent many a morning with hangovers, then the afternoons with a very full belly, wishing I had not eaten or drunk so much. Then as I got older there seemed to actually be no true meaning to Christmas. Continue reading “What actually is Christmas?” →

by Jinya, 36 year-old male, UK

In the world that we have created there are many ideals at work. One in particular that we all know is the one of finding ‘true love’ or the ‘love of my life’. It is the focus of most songs, books and films. It’s the thing we have always been told to strive for – to look for that someone ‘out there’ for each and every person. We’ve been told that we’ll need it for sure if we want to be happy. And of course, ‘happiness’ is another huge ideal that we have been sold. Continue reading “Hello, is it me I’m looking for…?” →

by Angela Perin, Brisbane, QLD

I was at the beauty therapist’s the other day. I had my eyes closed so I couldn’t see the therapist’s face, but could feel that she was a little surprised (or perhaps confused) when I mentioned that I had been to the movies with my ex. The therapist knew I had recently separated and simply asked ‘Do you guys still hang out…?’ Because it felt perfectly normal to me (we still work together and see each other every day), I didn’t realise until afterwards that this is not the norm, and hence why it had so obviously puzzled the therapist.

My ex and I have been married for nearly 22 years, and our separation 4 months ago was mutual. It came out of an honest admission that our relationship had never been based on ‘true’ love. The actual separation happened more lovingly and with more support than I believe either of us could have ever imagined possible in the past, especially considering the history of our relationship. There was no animosity, no financial tension, no blame and no judgment. Of course, there was (and is) sadness and hurt for both of us (and our children), and this is something we are all individually working on in our own way and timing, but it has not been the emotional, bitter experience that is evident in many separations. Continue reading “Marriage & Separation (Part 3): there ‘is’ a Different Way” →

by Angela Perin, Brisbane, QLD

By the time I came across Universal Medicine in 2010, my marriage of 20 years was really not in a good place. We had managed to work through some of our issues, and in many respects things were not ‘as’ bad as they ‘had’ been previously, but the underlying dynamics, and communication and behaviour patterns within our relationship remained, and neither of us could claim that we were really happy or content. Although I feel both of us previously had felt deep down that our relationship was not all it could be, none of the things we had tried to improve it (or ourselves) in the past had worked.

There was something missing. Continue reading “Marriage & Separation (Part 2): Discovering True Love” →

by Angela Perin, Brisbane, QLD

When I was growing up (up until I went to high school), I didn’t personally know anyone that was separated or divorced. At the time, I had a notion that all the marriages I personally observed and knew of were ‘happy’ ones… (which included my parents). In retrospect, and as I got older, I realised that ‘happy’ was perhaps not the right or most appropriate word. ‘Committed’ or ‘dedicated’ may have been more apt or descriptive, because it described marriages and relationships that stayed together through thick and thin; separation or divorce wasn’t entertained no matter what was going on in the relationship.

I adopted a belief that keeping a marriage going ‘no matter what’ was a ‘good’ thing; that staying together was a great accomplishment and something to be heralded. The longer the marriage, the greater the commitment and love – or so it was portrayed to be. In contrast, whether expressed openly or not, marriages that did break down were somehow considered a failure, and were viewed with sympathy and sadness. Continue reading “Marriage & Separation (Part 1): Failure versus True Love” →

by Sonja Ebbinghaus-Vuckovic, Germany (English 2^nd language)

Huu, I just read the article‚ ‘Divorce: nothing to be ashamed of’, and yes as to all comments I read – it also deeply resonates in me.

I am after 18 years of being together with my husband, now in the phase of ‘separating’. What unusual word for me.

As far as I know you fall in love, you are together, you may get married, you have kids, you see it is not it, you try to rescue it, you fail, you struggle with giving up, the pain and sadness increases and all family suffers – then finally you decide to separate – you move out – one year later you get divorced. That’s it. A whole lifetime story.

After this whole setup – you are marked as ‘failed, used’. You may end up on the market of singles again or you may never open again to anyone.

But what if this whole process is not about failing – but about being true to yourself, your partner and all around you? Continue reading “About Marriage and Divorce” →

by Golnaz, Bsc, London, Uk

I have often giggled watching people’s response to a young baby and how self-consciousness is abandoned – all manner of silly behaviours come out and anything goes, just to keep the baby’s attention a few seconds longer. The baby looks straight in your eyes, smiles, and even a big tough adult melts and is disarmed. I have often wondered, what exactly is melting? What is being disarmed?  And what is it about the baby that is causing this?

I live in a densely populated city and during rush hour train rides everyone avoids each other’s gaze. Continue reading “Babies Smile and We Disarm” →